Lou Ann was out for the evening on a date while the neighbors watched after the kids. It was my night to do what I pleased. I was relaxing in my pjs on the couch, curled up reading a book. Than the door bell rang and I jumped. I answered the door to find a young girl.
“Hi my name is Chloe, are you Lou Ann?”
“No I’m sorry Lou Ann is out for the night, would you like to come in?” I asked. I was not sure why such a young girl would be out all alone, but I let her in.
“My Aunt Lauren is a friend of Lou Ann and she said I could stop by on my visit to see my dad. Would you mind if I call her to let her know I am here?” she asked.
“Sure.” I said.
She went over the phone and started dialing. “Hi is Lauren there,” she said. “Oh alright well will you let her know her niece called for her,” and she hung the phone up.
She asked me if she could call back in a little while and I said yes. We looked at each other in a moment of awkwardness; then I said “Would you like to sit down?” as I motioned towards the couch. We sat next to each other. “So where are you from Chloe?” I asked.
“I’m from California but I’m here visiting my father.” This made me wonder what she was doing here, alone. She was looking out the window as if she were waiting for someone to come find her.
“So where is he now?” I asked.
“He is at a meeting and he let me leave and see the town, and I haven’t talked to my aunt in so long which is why I wanted to see if I could call her. She’s like a mother to me.” She smiled as she finished. “So do you have kids?” she asked, “I noticed the room with the cribs.”
“Yes,” I said, “I have a daughter named turtle and my friend Lou Ann has a son, Dwayne Ray. They are just toddlers. Here are some pictures of them.” I pulled out the pictures from my wallet.
“Oh they are so precious. Where are they?” Chloe asked.
“They are staying with the neighbors’ while Lou Ann is out and I can have my peace and quiet.”
“That sounds nice” she said timidly. She was acting shy so I tried to keep the conversation flowing.
“So tell me more about you, what school do you go to.” I asked.
“I go to school at an art school, I had an incident though which sent me to Lyle House, I got past it though and I am back in school.”
“Oh so you’re an artist?” I asked
“No I am there for film classes; I want to be a director” she replied.
“That’s interesting, it’s a good thing to know what you want to do, and it took me what seemed like forever to leave Kentucky.”
“Why did you come here? What’s here for you?”
“I did not intend to come here and along the way I found turtle, which made my life even better.”
“Can I ask why did you name her turtle?”
“It’s a long story, but when I got her she held on tight to me like a turtle does when it garbs hold of something.” I demonstrated for her holding my fingers pinched to my skin.
“Oh,” she replied, “Would you mind if I try calling my aunt again?”
“Go ahead,” I replied.
She started dialing the number “Hi is Lauren there” she paused “thank you.” “Hi Aunt Lauren so I came over to your friend Lou Ann’s house but she was not here, her roommate let me in though. So when are you coming to get me?” “Ok I will leave now see you then” “Well thank you so much for letting me into your home and tell Lou Ann I say hi.” She said.
“Alright I will,” I replied “it was nice to meet you.”
“I was nice to meet you too.” She replied
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
this story made me feel like i was reading a part out of a book. some of the converstion made me wonder why someone would name thier kid turtle. i believe that the conversation was very natural and it felt as if they actually met.
"Yes,” I said, “I have a daughter named turtle" this stood out to me cause the kid is name for how she grabed onto things as a baby.
i didnt have any problems while reading this story i found nothing wrong with it.
i think she could have been alittle more discriptive of the sceane in witch they met. also could have added alittle more discription as to who was speaking other than that i believe the story was good.
I - i felt really happy reading this essay.i remember the hwole story. i can see Chloe and how timid she was. the story did make you wonder why Lou Ann named her daughter turtle.
II -the conversation between the two characters seed real to me. just the way the people talked maked the conversation real.
III. the whole story was very good. "I have a daughter named turtle." this would be th best line because i have herd of no one calling there son nor daughter turtle.
IV - i found nothing to be distracing. correct me if im wrong, but i saw a litlle spelling problem. but nothing really major
V - one piece of advice would be to maybe be more discriptive, but there was enough for me to visalize what was going on
Post a Comment