One beautiful fine Saturday afternoon, Taylor was meeting up with her buddy George, whom you might recognize from “of mice and men” for lunch. They were meeting up at the South Hadley friendly’s plaza, for some chicken tenders. Shortly after they ordered their food, they began talking about each others lives and catching up a bit. Taylor was talking about how some lady dumped a baby in her car so she’s been working 3 jobs and living with her “partner” to support them. George was outstanded by all of the hard work and everything she has gone through, he offered her 5 dollars for some baby food and gas.
“So George how has everything been lately, did you ever get that ranch with the rabbit farm?” Taylor asked.
“Why you betcha I did and it’s been great and all needs now is a women and a baby!” Taylor thought to herself, “hmm now he’s an attractive, smart, and strong young man maybe we could talk more?”
So the two of them had lunch and a couple milkshakes before it started getting late.
“So I had a really good time, you should text me and we can go out again id really like to see that new batman movie, maybe you could accompany this weekend?
As George walked Taylor through the door he gave her a hug and kissed her on her check goodbye.
A few days pass and Georges phone goes off, he looks at it and to his surprise it’s Taylor ! He quickly answered the phone and they begin discussing plans for that evening. George had asked her out to a date so that’s exactly what they did, they were meeting up at the Hadley theaters for 7:15. George showed up early so he wouldn’t make a bad impression on the first date, as he saw her car pull in he quickly check the mirror to make sure nothing was in his teeth and so he stepped out of his car to accompany the women into the theater. They bought their tickets and walked through the front doors.
“did you want any popcorn or something to drink before you go in?” insisted George
“oh um sure I would like a small Pepsi with no ice, and a package of airheads please”
George purchased their goodies and handed the gentlemen the tickets
“9 to your right” he demanded
As they walked downward to their showing he noticed his best bud Nick with his girlfriend Em
“hey nick!!!” George shouted “what movie are you two love birds going to see?
“we’re actually heading to batman nick replied
“oh awesome so are we! We can all sit together if ya want”
So George introduced everyone to each other and then held the door for everyone to go through. As they were walking in they noticed it was slighty packed, and the only choice they had was to sit in the front row seat.
“Oh shucks” said Taylor “its pretty packed but I don’t mind the front if you guys don’t”
Every body was enjoying the movie and then it came to a crashing halt when the fire alarms sounded and everybody had to evacuate the building, the four of them knew exactly how to get out so they ran out the exit door and straight to their cars, they made sure that everybody was okay and stuck around to see what all the hallabalu was about. Nick noticed an enormous black cloud of smoke coming from the ceiling and introduced the startling news to the rest of crew. Shortly after that the police and fire department showed up and told everybody to clear the area so the four of them had to leave and decided to call it a night and all agreed upon going out together another time.
As George walked Taylor to he car he kissed her and reminded her of how much of a good time he had tonight and apologized for the unconvinced but reinsured her that next time would be just as exciting. So for just two old friends catching up and grabbing some milkshakes it turned out they quickly fell in love and began a relationship and have been happy ever since.
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9 comments:
great vocab!
i really didnt feel much after reading this story. most storys end up being happy at the end.
the conversation between the two chacaters didnt seem real at all.
my favorate part of the story would have to be when they were at the towers.
the only thing i found that was a problem was the word choice.
one piece of dvice would be to re-read the story before handing it in.
I- I liked this story. i liked how you included what tipical people would do in south hadley. I especially liked how the movie theator started on fire.
II- the conversations seemed really natural. it wasn't written so much in the language they may have used back then but it still sounded really good.
III- my favorite part of the story was when he asked her if she wanted any snaks before they went into the movies...“oh um sure I would like a small Pepsi with no ice, and a package of airheads please”
IV- one sentence is in quotations that shouldn't be beacuse she is thinking in her head.
V- Try having someone proof read your essay when you think you are done because they may catch mistakes that you wont.
I. the story was very realistic. almost an everyday thing that happens to people. has happened to me before. not the building setting on fire but close enough.
II.The characters dialog was believable because the whole old friends talking again always turns into a date.
III.“Why you betcha I did and it’s been great and all needs now is a women and a baby!” that was obviously a big hint. and in the book Of Mice and Men one of the main characters dies because he wants that farm so bad.
IV.i thought that it was distracting that the whole story was in real life not set in one of the books.
V. Think about what you write and how to phrase things, but its good other wise.
1. I thought that your story was very funny to read. I liked the part about the chicken tenders and the milkshakes. I could imagen the theater being caught on fire and the "dark" cloud of smoke.
2. The conversation between them was good. You captured Georges poor english very well.
3. " 'So George how has everything been lately, did you ever get that ranch with the rabbit farm?' Taylor asked." When I read Of Mice and Men I thought Georges obsession with rabbits was what I remembered the most.
4. It was good except there wasnt much talk about what happened in the book and more about their date but It was still entertaining. And your spelling anmd grammer wasnt all that great...
5. For next time maybe you want to try and organize your writing a little better.
I. my personal reaction from this story is it had some funny parts that had you laugh. the story made me think about how old friends turn into lovers.
II. what seemed real and natural is that he brougt in how geroge got the farm he wanted.
III. "Every body was enjoying the movie and then it came to a crashing halt when the fire alarms sounded and everybody had to evacuate the building" that would be my favorite part because i was not exspecting the fire alarms to go off.
IV. there is some words that should of been capilized like "Of Mice and Men"
V. i would say just make sure next time to indent and capilized
This story was well rounded. The story had a romantic feel to it and gave you a vivid image of having fun and spending time with friends. The story gives you the idea of friends becoming more then friends. The romance that blossoms as time goes on.
I like how the characters were placed in South Hadley and did the same things we would do with friends. I characters felt like real people that we see every day.
My favorite part of the story was the characters meeting day by day and slowly falling for each other. The line I liked was when George said “Why you betcha I did and it’s been great and all needs now is a women and a baby!” Which gives Tylor idears? This is how the romance begins and the start to realize there meant to be.
The only thing I found problematic is how the writer forget some words and you don’t now what character was talking, but other then that the story was great.
The only advice I give you is to consider is making sure there are no missing words and you’re good.
I - I think this story was pretty well written. It was funny, but it still made sense. I felt happy after I read it. What I remember most about Myke’s essay was the way he had the two talk. The images I see while reading this story are happy ones, I picture two people out together just really enjoying one another’s company. The ideas in my head are for Myke to keep going with it and maybe have them meet up at George’s farm.
II - The conversation between George and Taylor did seem like it was authentic. The fact that Myke had them meet at Friendly’s for chicken tenders and the way they spoke to one another made the characters seem real and natural.
III - My favorite part of the story was when Myke had the two characters talking over dinner, it was funny. “Why you betcha I did and it’s been great and all needs now is a women and a baby!” Taylor thought to herself, “hmm now he’s an attractive, smart, and strong young man maybe we could talk more?” was my favorite line because I thought it was smart that Myke had George hint at what he was looking for on his farm. It was also really believable because having that farm was Georges dream in ‘Of Mice and Men.’
IV - The only thing I really found problematic about this essay was some miss used words. Some of the words just don’t make sense where they were placed and it kind of throws the story off a little bit. Also there isn’t punctuation where punctuation is needed in some lines.
V- Try using words you know next time rather then big words that look like they would make sense.
Ben Desmarais
A-Block
9-8-08
Essay Questions
Untitled by. Myke P.
1. Myke’s story was very interesting. It was a fun story to read because it had some entertaining vocabulary. I remembered the part when they were at the movies and fire alarm went off. This made the story more interesting than if the just went to the movies and left. I could picture them running out of the burning theater. It made me think about how every time I go to the movies, I end up seeing someone that I know.
2. Yes, the conversation seemed authentic. It seemed like it could have been a real conversation. Some details that made the story seem real were when they were talking about texting. In this day and age, texting is very popular. The whole story seemed very authentic.
3. “So I had a really good time, you should text me and we can go out again id really like to see that new batman movie, maybe you could accompany this weekend?
This quote really stood out to me because it used a movie that is coming out today. It makes the dialog more believable and easier to relate to. Also, they mention texting which is a common tool used by people every day.
4. The one thing that was problematic in this essay in one part was when the quote above was said in the story; it doesn’t say who said it. By not knowing who said, it could alter the story one was or another. By not showing who said it makes the story a little more confusing. Besides that, there weren’t too many errors in the story.
5. I think that in the story, there could have been a little more dialog. If there was more dialogs, more people could have related to the story. By having more people relate to the story, it could make the story a lot more interesting and fun to read for the reader.
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